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Jul 21 12

Pieces of Home

by Hayley E Lavik

Jul 18 12

You Should Have A Nap

by Hayley E Lavik

You know you want to…

You should have a nap.

It’s been a long week. You deserve it.

The week’s hardly begun and you’re already tired. How will you get through to Saturday without a little rest?

This time, start the week off right. Nap now, energy tomorrow. Logic.

You should have a nap.

 

There’s housework around the corner, so now’s the time to have a rest.

You’ll fold that pile of laundry tonight so what’s a little break now?

How can you possibly get all that housework done in one day anyway?

You should have a nap.

 

It’s only 2pm. You can get the rest of your work done before dinner.

It’s almost dinner, might as well have a snooze. Start fresh after.

It’s late anyway. Go to bed now and get up bright and early tomorrow.

It’s still early, the day doesn’t start until after lunch anyway.

And the cats are already settled on your legs.

You should have a nap.

 

Apr 3 12

A History of Things Destroyed by Pets

by Hayley E Lavik

 

1

It started with gerbils. Nothing says destruction like a pet that must┬áconstantly chew on things or its teeth will grow through its head — and I had several of them. They reduced a plastic mouse wheel to nest lining in three days. Also every single shirt I owned had rodent-sized bite marks all over the cuffs and collars. There is probably photographic evidence of this in all my elementary school photos.

2

My magnificent hound would do anything to make sure you loved her, and would look utterly devastated if she gave you cause to scold her. That did not, however, stop her from making a handy snack of a silk blouse, and eviscerating a rather expensive bra, among other things.

3

I once had a collection of classic Coca Cola glasses. Nothing fancy, but they were that good, sturdy, old fashioned green glass. Over the course of eight months, the husband’s cat systematically knocked every single one of them off counters and tables.

4

I named my cat Heathcliff. I should have expected the rest. Aside from such affectionate tortures as kneading my flesh in the middle of the night, this cat has a thing for cords. A kitten-mouth-sized chunk of wire sat in the middle of the floor one morning. It came from the Wii motion sensor bar, which he had efficiently snipped in two. We ordered a replacement bar. We found another (slightly larger) mouth-sized chunk of wire on the floor one day. All told, we went through three bars before switching to wireless. I learned to solder phone cords and got pretty handy with electrical tape..

5

We adopted the Queen of Destruction. A cat who turns envelopes into confetti in thirty seconds. A cat who perforated every inch of dry kibble bags to get inside, and then perforated every inch of the tupperware containers we transferred the kibble to. A cat who would rather rip a box to pieces than hide in it, and approaches the task with methodical precision. She snipped the strings on a set of pull blinds, gnawed the heads off every cat toy with a fluffy, feathery head, and bit a hole through a stuffed animal, no longer manufactured, which was newly acquired off eBay.

And then, just the other day, the husband and I were talking about how she hadn’t destroyed — anything she shouldn’t be destroying — in such a long time. What a good kitten.

Then I went into the next room and found this.

May be too graphic for some music lovers

That sound where you’re weeping and laughing and cursing yourself all at the same time? Yeah, I still don’t know how to describe it.

So come commiserate with me. What have your pets destroyed?