Here, have a Hunger Games trailer spoof
Katniss’s face at 1:30 absolutely makes this for me.
This is a public service announcement, paid for by the Concerned Genre Fiction Readers of the Interwebs.
Ladies! Stop looking in people’s eyes!
32 women a year die by drowning in someone’s eyes.
More than 100 women a year experience the near-fatal depths of someone’s dark, unfathomable eyes.
4 out of 5 readers know someone who has drowned in a pair of eyes.*
THIS MUST STOP!
To curb the tide of eye-drownings, the CGFRI has put together the following suggestions to help minimize the likelihood of drowning if you or a love one find yourself in the vicinity of deep eyes.
Do an activity together: 98.3% of cases where a woman drowns in someone’s eyes occur because neither person involved had anything better to do than stare at the other person. Instead, try bowling! You’ll find with your attention on the pins and both of you moving about, the chance of a sudden rip tide pulling you in has greatly reduced. Heck, even dancing. You can rub up against each other all you want, and it’ll build all that same wonderful hot tingly stuff, without the perils of inexplicably drowning in your partners eyes. read more…
It started out as an innocent little suggestion. “Hey, let’s all get together for a game night!” A little wine, a few snacks, a clear table, and five happy couples all gathered around for an evening of fun and amusement.
It…did not end that way.
So here are five games to keep clear of — or plan your evening around, depending how much you like your friends.
White Elephant Gift Exchange
Also known as Chinese gift exchange, Yankee swap, this game never fails to rapidly devolve into a social litmus test. Players bring gifts, either good or tacky, and then take turns either choosing an unwrapped gift or stealing one already open. It seems like a simple enough concept for a group who don’t know each other that well, but that’s just what the game wants you to think.
First, there are the rules. Does everyone choose a gift before opening? Can you open and steal? Can you steal back what’s been stolen from you? What about trading? Price limit?
Then, there are the gifts. You get a bottle of locally made hot sauce, how neat! The next player gets two bottles of wine. The next player gets a complete barbecue set. One of these things is not like the other. One of these things stuck to the price limit. Whether you mean it or not, something will become the dud gift, and if it’s that thing you carefully picked out and put thought into, then your evening sucks just as much as that unlucky soul who got the hot sauce.
Then, there’s the stealing…
Picture this. You open a gift, and it’s a lovely box of chocolates! Oh, but there’s something more too. It’s…$5 worth of scratch cards! Um, thanks? That’s basically just $5 less of a gift than all the rest. But then that gift gets stolen, “for the chocolates.” Ha ha, sure, I bet. And then I–I mean you–spend the rest of the evening wondering if I’ve just had $1,000 dollars snatched out of my life forever. You sneaky jerk.
Or there was the time with the tacky gift exchange when the 12 year old got to join the adults from the office opening their gag gifts, and got one of those ice cream punch toys, which was totally super cool and clearly the best gift there! And then the 12 year old had that gift stolen by some 40 year old who totally wasn’t going to play with it or anything, and the game wasn’t fun any more. I’ve clearly gotten over it. read more…
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