It’s Not Me, It’s You: A Letter to an MMORPG

This is why I'm leaving.

Dear WarCraft,

I thought I made things clear last year when I uninstalled you, but I guess I need to put it in writing. I’ve moved on.

Look, it’s not like I don’t value the time we spent together. It was great! Most of it. It’s just…we both knew this wouldn’t last. We were young. I had never played an MMO before, you were fresh out of beta and had me skating rather than running in Stormwind half the time, but I never complained. We both stuck with it. You got your latency issues under control, and I learned to gank and grind mobs and ((separate my IC from my OOC speech)) like a pro. I still remember when I first stepped out of Northshire Abbey. Elwynn Forest stretched for miles ahead of me, all green and dappled sunlight, and people chatting on General saying thee and thou and “For Lothar!” everywhere I looked and….

You know, I still don’t understand why you had to be so difficult with me over that naming policy thing. I just said the guy’s name was Slimshady and maybe it didn’t fit in a Medieval(ish…the motorcycles still make me–ugh, forget it) roleplay setting, and then you had to go all “This is not affecting your roleplay experience I will not address it don’t ever talk about it again” on me.

But I know, that was early and we were still figuring each other out. I paid for how many more years after that? A lot. It’s not like you made me stay…although the paladin charger was pretty sweet, and Stratholme, and Alterac Valley was awesome…but then there was also the fiasco with the pvp armor, right? I mean, I thought we knew each other by then, and I was gonna go upgrade my set after you raised the level cap past 60, but you had to go and coat Every Single Thing in glowing crystal fragments like some kid who got hold of glitterglue! And then the spikes in Northrend, everything spikes as though poking out eyes was so hot right now. I just…I don’t even know what you were thinking.

You gave me Tyrande Whisperwind, but then you put her in a dress and had some other character run the show. You revamped Sylvanas Windrunner and then had every male character insult and undercut her potential badassery. You…well, you didn’t really give me Jaina Proudmoore at all. You just rendered a huge human mage and told me it was her, and then did absolutely nothing with her except write derogatory quest text speculating about her penchant for interspecies erotica.

You retconned your own lore so much I had to redo my backstory more than once to account for the changes, but you also gave me little random huts dropped on the Barrens where you and I passed some of our very best times with likeminded friends. The stories we made there didn’t need retconning. You kept me up past dawn weaving tales, sharing worries and dreams not part of your stylized pixels, and helped me fill up my bank slots with low level leathers and tailored shirts for RP. I hear you’ve added a transmogrifier now. That’s wonderful! I also hear you’re adding pandas. I…I guess whatever makes you happy.

You and I are just both in different places now. I think the best thing we can do is acknowledge what we both knew a year ago when I reformatted my laptop and wiped all your screenshots. It’s over. We had a lot of great memories, and I’ll cherish them, but you know what? I realized all the greatest memories I had from my time with you were the ones I made myself, with the friends I made while we were together. I still get to keep those, without the constant retcons, and without paying you a monthly fee to fuel most of my jaded fangirl rants.

Thanks for all the fun and all the cured ham steak. I hope –

What? A free week of playtime?

Well…